A Safe Place to Heal Life changed a lot when my grandkids were born. My son had twins 15 years ago, one of each, a boy and a girl, a gentleman’s family. When I went the hospital to visit them for the first time I struggled to hold them, they meant everything to me but I just couldn’t hold them tight. I went home heartbroken. The same afternoon I phoned One in Four. Until that moment, not another living soul knew I had been sexually abused. I had had two boys. Touch had never been something I was comfortable with. I avoided it as much as I could and filled the void with work. I had run my own business, a wee flower shop in the town, it was thriving and meant long hours with early mornings. I was the bread winner, and my husband looked after the kids. I worked the whole way through my pregnancy and was back in the shop a few weeks after they were born. I had never hugged my own kids. Don’t get me wrong, I made sure we had everything they needed, But underneath it all, I felt guilty, I wore my guilt like a warm jacket on a summers day. It made me feel uncomfortable day in day out but it was as though it was part of me, I had no choice to endure It. It had always felt like it was all my fault, especially the abuse I suffered as a child. The plan was that I would look after them when their mum and dad were at work. I was retired I had no excuses anymore. Going to therapy in One in Four for two years gave me a safe space to heal. My therapist helped me realise how detached I had been. How my work had helped me avoid so much. I spent most of my life in trauma not realising it, but at 60 I felt safe in my life, I had so much to live for, so much to make better for those around me. Now everyday is a new day, I have hope, I have clarity. The flowers in my garden blossom, they don’t need prepared into bouquets for celebrations or to mark someone’s life. They flourish through Spring into Summer. And I do not need to be away anymore. I am the centre of my family now , here for all four seasons. You see, therapy gave me the tools to make changes, to start living my life. To hold, to hug, to not let what happened to me as a child, hold be back and take away the beauty of my life now.